


a letter from a certain astronaut

by Anonymous



Series: to infinity and beyond [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 2000 liners are 25 Mark is 26 and the rest follow, Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Romance, Tragedy, astronaut!Jaemin, but unlike the soulmate one this doesn't have a happy ending, musician!Jeno, they're aged up here too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8039632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Three light years away from the Earth, near Proxima Centauri, communication with the Arkadia space exploration crew was cut off.It's been three years since Jeno last heard from Jaemin. (Inspired and based on the doujinshi of the same name.)





	a letter from a certain astronaut

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at like 1 am because I couldn't sleep so please excuse the errors ;u;
> 
> (Edit: This is now cross-posted to my AFF account, NightBreeze)

  


It starts with Jeno receiving weird e-mails from an address that seemed to come from outer space. The contents of each e-mail mostly share the same thing: all of them contain pictures taken from the skies, and messages that are too familiar to ignore.

Like now.

The e-mail he received today had a picture of South Korea attached, the message informing him of how cloudy the country was and how they hoped he would have a great day.

_June 17, 20XX_

_"It looks so cloudy down there! Perfect for cloud watching at the park! Hehehe~ Anyway, I hope you have a great day!"_

  


  


But with each passing day, the pictures seem to move farther away from the Earth, and the intervals in which he receives the e-mails lengthen.

Until it stops.

  


  


_Look, isn't it beautiful! Watching the Earth from here in outer space. Even though I know that's how it always looked like (from all those pictures we used to Google), seeing it firsthand still feels different - more breathtaking and awe-inspiring. Our planet really looks like a gem amidst the darkness of space._

_But like a gem, it's fragile._

_The oceans, the lands... Just like us, they're alive. We all know that well._

_After all, our planet is the planet of life._

_Everyone. You, me, one and all. The winds a soft caress above our heads, the rhythmic plip plop! of rain, the sun shining ever so brightly and giving us warmth, and the fluffy white cotton clouds._

_Taking them for granted, we've nearly overstretched them._

_There's pain, there's hurt... I mean, what the hell are we doing?_

_I haven't really thought of any of this before now. And it's making me feel guilty for all the times I didn't properly dispose of my trash..._

_Looking at our planet, from this far away, for the first time... I understood the reality of it._

_Jeno, our planet is beautiful._

_You're beautiful, breathtakingly so._

  


  


"I've been selected to join a new project!" Jeno hears Jaemin say from his spot behind the piano. He was thankful his mentor ended practice early today - he wouldn't be able to hear the end of it if Jaemin finds out he can't hang out with him _again!? It's been ages since we last hung out it's not fair_ coupled with a pout that's sure to weaken Jeno's defenses.

"... Space exploration?" The raven finds himself mumbling as he stands up and faces the other, the two words being the only things he was able to make out of the jumbled mess that is the younger's excited chattering.

"Hm? Oh, yes! Space exploration! Isn't it so exciting?" Jaemin gives him one of his blinding smiles, but Jeno can't find it in himself to return it, much less the excitement. He also can't help the feeling of being upset consume him. _He complains about me spending so much time in the music room, practicing, when he's mostly either at NASA or somewhere with other people... (Not here, not with me)_. So he replies, with a little sharpness the other didn't fail to detect, "What a fruitless task. Has your obsession gotten even bigger?"

Jaemin doesn't reply immediately. In fact, he doesn't do anything at all except stare at Jeno, although his smile lost a bit of its brightness. He knows what he said was a bit mean, since Jaemin's never told him his dream was _a fruitless task_ , but he can't take it back now, can he?

"Where are you going this time? The moon? Or the space station?" Jeno asks, making sure his voice was less biting and more of his usual timbre, when the silence becomes uncomfortable.

"Actually... It's colony development." When curious onyx eyes meet his, Jaemin laughs nervously and averts his gaze to somewhere behind Jeno's shoulder, "There's a star three light years away that NASA is sure is equivalent to our sun, and a planet near it that they hope is the same as our Earth. The project's goal is to create a settlement for future immigration..." He trails off.

"But like always, after a few days, you'll come back right?" The short pause Jaemin gave should have made the answer obvious to Jeno.

"Even with the speed of light, it'll still take years."

"Oh..."

That seemed to end their conversation, silence enveloping the two as they go down to the building’s lobby and out (keyword being seemed). A few feet away from the café they frequently go to, Jaemin starts mumbling again. "Outer space extends 37 hundred million lightyears. As long as you're there, with me... No matter where I am... Probably..."

Jeno just stares at the younger, confusion clear on his face. "What are you talking about?"

The brunet heaves a sigh before fixing Jeno with an intense look. “... Will you come with me?"

It takes a moment for Jeno to realize the unspoken words, _to outer space?_ , in the question. And as much as he wants to… "You know I can't. My job here is as important to me as yours is to you."

Jaemin’s intense look falls, being replaced by a teasing smile (but Jeno could have sworn he saw a bit of sadness in the other’s eyes for a split second). "Ahaha... My bad. You can't leave that music room of yours, now can you?"

"..."

"It was a joke, don't take it too seriously! After all, you get sick easily so you can't ride spaceships!" Jaemin laughs and playfully shoves Jeno to the side, to which the latter immediately retaliates, tripping the brunet in return.

And just like that, their earlier down mood was completely forgotten.

  


  


_Jeno, you know... That small Earth, that even smaller music room..._

_I came out here to protect it. While always looking at your beautiful smile, always thinking about it, I came here._

_Thank you, Jeno._

  


  


Dark outer space, glittering debris.

Overwhelmingly deep darkness.

Yet it's so silent.

Jaemin cranes his head to the left, where he could have sworn he saw a familiar mop of silver hair. And he's right - he sees Taeyong's body floating near what seemed like one of their spaceship's wings. He tries to locate the others; Doyoung, Hansol, and Yuta were all clumped together a few feet away from Taeyong, small debris surrounding them like a mini asteroid belt. Ten was near Johnny, both of them to his right.

All of them were unconscious (although somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice whispers: _they're dead. You're not far off yourself_ ).

The brunet attempts to recall what happened, only succeeding in remembering tidbits of information before he supposedly blacked out.

  


_He and Taeyong just finished recording a VLog and were about to clean their respective workplaces when Ten suddenly barged inside their room, looking worn out and anxious. The Thai member had most of his space suit on - the only thing missing being the helmet._

_"Ten, what's wrong?" Taeyong had asked._

_"You have to go to the front deck. Quickly! And wear your suits." Was Ten's reply before leaving the two, going to the room across to relay the same message._

_They did as they were told. A few minutes later found Jaemin restlessly walking around the room, waiting for Taeyong to finish dressing. He didn't know why, but he felt as though something bad was going to happen. And soon._

_A hand suddenly grabbing his shoulder made him jump in surprise, but their Captain's voice immediately calmed him down. "Hey, it's probably nothing. Let's go?" The younger nodded, and together they went up to the front deck._

_Just as they were climbing up the stairs, the lights suddenly went out. "Uh... Hyung?" Jaemin had nervously called out._

_"I'm here right behind-"_

_A booming noise cuts Taeyong off, followed by the spaceship sharply veering to the right. And then... nothingness._

  


The sudden warmth and brightness behind him makes Jaemin turn and gasp. _That's...? It's so bright... What a blinding light._ It takes him a moment to feel the comforting warmth start to rise until it feels like he's burning. It takes him another moment to realize what the spectacle in front of him was.

This is... A supernova.

Fifty times brighter and hotter than the sun.

And also what happens when stars die.

Jaemin finds himself reaching for his disposable camera in his suit's pocket and snapping a picture, even though he knows it's pointless.

_I just hope you can see a sight as beautiful as this, Jeno..._

He gives a small laugh. _Even until the very end, you're the only one that I'm thinking about. Leaving your side to go to this place so far away... Yet I still wish to see you one more time._ Jaemin laughs again, louder this time.

_To think I'm still longing to see you. If I'd known it would be like this, I would have spent more time with you. I..._

_I want to save you. I want to protect you. That's all I'm thinking about._

_But now I can't, and I'm sorry Jeno._ The brunet could feel the burning heat getting nearer, parts of his suit already releasing some smoke. _There's something I really regret not saying to you... I've been wanting to say it to you for a very long time but I just couldn't find the right timing. However, since this is the very last time, I'll say it._

_I really wish I could have told you this in person but... I love you. I have always loved you, even though I never told you once._

_Even though the words don't really mean much now..._

_In this whole world, you're the only one I love - more than my job, more than anything._

Jaemin smiles and closes his eyes one last time as a flash of bright, white light illuminates the vast dark space.

_I love you, Jeno._

_So please, don't cry._

  


  


It's on one rainy day that Jeno feels his world stop and tilt over.

He really should have seen this coming. It's been three years since he's last heard from him, three years since his last e-mail. The news droning on in the background shouldn't hurt this much but it does.

"... _The spaceship Arkadia reportedly lost control at coordinates beta-686... It is unknown if the seven astronauts are dead or alive... It is truly a great loss_..."

  


  


Jaehyun, Mark, and Donghyuck visit him the next day, although at different times.

The eldest visits Jeno first, telling him that he has talked to his piano mentor and that he doesn't need to attend any more of his practices for the week and the next. He also stays until lunch to make sure Jeno eats properly and orders Mark, who arrives a few minutes after noon, to make sure the raven eats dinner as well.

When Jaehyun leaves, Mark decides to lighten up the atmosphere by watching comedic movies. It works to some extent - he sees Jeno give a small smile at some parts and a quiet laugh at the others. But it isn't enough. He knows it isn't. So when it's his turn to leave, he hopes that whatever Donghyuck has for Jeno is enough to bring back even the tiniest of the latter's smile.

It's seven thirty in the evening when Donghyuck visits, and he brings with him a white box filled with a few belongings. The younger boy doesn't stay as long as Jaehyun and Mark, only visiting to give him the box and offer a few comforting words. Jeno doesn't mind - Donghyuck looks as worn out as him, physically and emotionally. They bid each other good night before Donghyuck departs.

Jeno brings the box to his bedroom, where he proceeds to pull out each item. He freezes as he momentarily catches sight of a very familiar picture of him and Jaemin along with one of their younger friends, Jisung, riding on the Viking. And it takes him a minute to realize who the owner of the box was.

He swallows down the tears, being extra careful as he takes out the next few items - a small teddy bear, a snow globe, white headphones, an overdue book about astrophysics, and some paperwork. He neatly places the papers on top of the physics book before turning back to the box. There was only one object left inside.

A small brown envelope with his name written in Jaemin's endearingly messy handwriting.

Curiously, he opens it.

  


  


_Dear Jeno, my sweet little sugar pie,_

_Thank you for everything. I mean it, although I really hoped you came with me out here in space. But I guess I understand why. You love your job as much as I love mine. Anyway, you must be getting irritated at me beating around the bush (like you always do, because you know I do this to annoy you, and you’re annoyed at yourself for getting annoyed at me and you get really flustered and cute and- I think I should stop here and continue haha…) and wondering why I wrote this letter. I wrote this because… well… as loudmouthed as I am, all blunt and shameless and no filter, I can be a little bit shy when it comes to you and my emotions. Donghyuck told me to write this in case my shyness gets in the way…_

_I love you, always have, always will. I know you feel the same (Mark hyung might have spilled about it one time when we were chatting over tea…). Knowing that, I invited you to join me in our space exploration but you rejected… Like I said, I understand. But. I want to ask you… since it’ll take a few years before we come back… Will you marry me? (I’m asking you this through a letter since we both know I’ll end up asking again, properly and in person). I want you to be able to think of this proposition of mine through and not just accept it as a spur of the moment thing. I don’t want you to regret living with me for the rest of our lives. You have a lot of time to ponder on this!! Taeyong hyung told me the Arkadia will at least take about… three? years to reach Proxima Centauri, and three? years back. So. Six years. I’ll be gone for six years (more or less). That should be enough time for you to make up your mind and give me an answer!!_

_Seriously. I expect a proper answer from you when I come back!_

_… I guess that’s all that I’ve wanted to say, ever since I found out about this mission._

_Again, I love you._  
_Always have, always will._  
_Your beloved troublemaker,_  
_Na Jaemin._

  


  


Jeno cries himself to sleep that night, tear-stained letter in one hand and a small silver band clutched tightly in the other.

  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for making them suffer ;u;  
> I promise to make Jeno and Jaemin happy after I post my soulmate one (I have a Kidzania!AU NCT fic in the works). I just got stuck at the end part of times are changing so this happened.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! ^w^


End file.
